OMNISEXUAL

OMNISEXUAL

People ask, "So what are you? Straight? Lesbian? Bisexual?"

And the response I give is, "I'm omnisexual.
I get turned on by men, women, produce, kitchen appliances,
patio furniture, house plants, canned soup, chocolate, playgrounds,
shoe stores, medical equipment, ice cream, power tools, etc.,
and you name it."

"So you're bisexual."
"Yes, and queer and kinky and perverted."
"So, who do you like better, men or women?
"I like gay men and straight women."

I've been called "The Bisexual Bridge."
People say to me, "I thought I was gay (or straight)
until I met you. Now I think I'm bi."

And drag queens. I'm totally into drag queens.
When I was a kid I wanted to be a drag king
before it was even called that.
In the locker room after gym
I would dance and strut on the benches singing "Macho Man."
Also I would imitate Mick Jagger of The Rolling Stones
and Peter Frampton.

I've never been successfully monogamous in my life.
I tried, but now I've given up trying. It's not my thing.
I like group sex and public sex and rough sex and gentle sex and
loving sex and cruel sex and quickie sex and all day long sex and
afternoon sex and morning sex and late night sex and
drunken sex and sober sex and spiritual sex and satanic sex.
I like to bottom and I like to top.
I like to be Mommy and I like to be Daddy's girl, and
I like to be Daddy and I like to be Momma's boy.

I like email sex and phone sex and MySpace sex.
Any orifice; any tool; any prop is okay by me.
(Though, in general, I prefer to avoid anything that would lead
to a trip to the emergency room and police inquiries.)

I like them old and young and in between.
It's the enthusiasm, that's the thing.
I like them thin and plump, tall and short, big and small.
It's the attitude, not the amplitude.

I like to fuck and to be fucked
again and again.
I fuck in my dreams and
when I wake up
I fuck some more.